the dilemma
as usual, i'm in a panic about what to do with my life. i think i'm close to working through it, for now, but i still wanted to articulate things a bit here, because it's always helpful.

basically, i've spent the last few weeks scouring the net for one year masters programs in peace & conflict studies, globalization studies, comparative cultural studies, middle eastern studies, and a number of other subject areas that are, in one way another, of global importance. i also looked into georgetown's certificate in arab studies, which i hoped i could get through a combination of CCT-friendly courses and the free arabic classes available at my job.

i started doing all of this because, this semester, i've increasingly realized that my CCT studies, while very interesting, have lead me away from the things that originally brought me into interdisciplinary studies. specifically, my various international experiences have always been at the core of my academic career goals, but i've found myself spending most of my time at Georgetown thinking about film, pop culture, the media, Web 2.0, and the new economy. it's all stuff i love to study, and which fits perfectly well into my long term academic interests and goals... there's just something missing. and that something needs to be global.

however, this turns out to be a terrible time to try to add another layer to my life. i'm incredibly broke. i'm exhausted. and i've overextended myself by taking on an ambitious class schedule, my half-time job at MEI, my supplementary job at gnovis, and a number of extracurricular projects (none of which, unfortunately, will earn much money). i'm also coming up on a critical time for my CCT degree, because I need to start planning my thesis soon, and should actually try to choose a topic over the summer.

i don't have the time, energy, or economic freedom to make a major change to my academic trajectory. i don't even have the energy to plan one. so i need to put this behind me, which is what i'm trying to do with this post. someone, in the last few days, reminded me that i'm not going to have my PhD until I'm in my mid 30s... and that's too long a road to always be stressed and panicked about both my life and my bank account at the same time.

the grand life objectives

1. to teach in a program that covers everything from pop culture to media studies, cultural theory to globalization, technology studies to world history
2. to lead provocative study abroad programs
3. to keep my academic career grounded in something of value outside of academia, and on a global scope and scale
4. to allow time and space for myself to continue my creative development

complications, or plans that won't work
first of all, i've realized that i can't do anything this summer other than work. that means no summer CCT classes, and no free arabic classes at work, and no film production at american or anywhere else. and no guitar lessons.

all i can do this summer is work. why? because i'm exhausted, and i don't want to burn out next year. and because i've got too much high interest debt, and i can't let short-term academic interests get in the way of paying off my debt, which will only limit my flexibility in the long run.

i've also realized that i can't start planning a second masters degree until i've paid off my debt (even if i can't pay it all off this summer), because it'll only continue to drag out my debt, and drag out this frustrating period of exhausting and overextening myself. i can't try to get an arab studies certificate at georgetown, and i can't have pipe dreams about going to UPEACE in Costa Rica, because these just simply aren't options until i've finished my CCT degree, made significant progress with my work at MEI, and reclaimed my finances.

and, finally, i've realized that i need to stop trying to plan to go abroad for months or years at a time. i've got a dog, and i've got a newborn nephew that i've only met once, and domestic concerns need to be my priority. that doesn't mean i can't travel in the short term, it just means i need to do it in small increments, and to be happy with whatever i can squeeze in to regular vacation time, like normal people do.

the tentative plan
Summer 2007
work, work, work. that means working as many hours as MEI wants, as many as gnovis will pay me, and picking up yet another job on top of that, and working as much as i can bear. preferably in a bar, or somewhere that'll pay me well but not hurt my brain. the goal is to pay off ALL of my debt, if i can.

Fall 2007
work at MEI, and take two CCT classes. i'll try to fit in a globalization class, if it makes sense.

Spring 2008
work at MEI and write my thesis. nothing more, nothing less.

Summer 2008
work at MEI and take my last two CCT classes. (hopefully my advisor will approve this plan).

Fall 2008
work at MEI and apply for PhDs. if my debt isn't cleared up, then i'll pick up extra hours at MEI or elsewhere until i'm back in the black. if my debt is cleared up, then i'll either save money for some travel, or drop down to a lighter workload so i can pursue personal projects and creative work.

Spring 2009 -> ???
Finally, another unscheduled block of time... I'll just play this by ear until I start my PhD.

Wow. That makes it all sound so easy.